"What?"

what?

WHAT!

were you looking for something?

it's not here.

it's staring at the screen.

turn off your box.

sit in silence.

taste a breath.

paint a picture.

just turn off your computer.

you are wasting precious time worrying about such silliness.

make something.

bake a pie.

stare at a cloud.

turn off the myth.

if you haven't found it yet, it might never find you.

send a letter to a friend.

apologize to someone.

eat a bag of cheetos.

just turn off your computer and enjoy something rare...

yourself.

haha November 03, 2005

"Stream of unconsiousness"

words.

i love them.

they are so misleading. so descriptive. so needless sometimes.

music.

i love it.

it is so misleading. so descriptive. so needless sometimes. so vital sometimes.

love.

i love it.

it is so misleading. so indescribable. so overwhelming.

saying "i love music" is just words. "i love"... words. it truely is all about action. the action of making music. the action of loving. the call to action of the words.

"if a" word "falls" on a page "does anybody hear?"

does anybody care? is more like it.

sometimes i wonder why i express myself at all. i mean, it is so self indulgent. so full of me. so pointless. so fulfilling. words falling on deaf ears and blind eyes are no match for love falling on closed doorsteps. so i write i write. i've got a message. i got something to say.

i got a joke that noone will get. i got a problem i haven't solved yet. i got a feeling that only falls short. i got something special (nothing of the sort). i got a window instead of a chest. i got the idea that i think i know best. i got more than my heart can endure. i got tainted blood that bleeds out so pure. i got patience. i got complaints. i got angels looking over my saints. i got bad poetry. i got a smile. i got a glow, you can see it for miles. i got a mouth and a brain that won't stop. i got the attention span of a spinning top. i got some rythmn and nursery rhymns.

i got a focus without ammunition. i got to fight just to keep this position. here in the corner. here at the bar. here at the keyboard. hear my guitar. it weaps when alone. it just attracts dust. i try not to speak but i feel that i must. like raising your hand when there's nothing to say. since that door opened this won't go away. so i spread my arms wide. i hide in my hat. i chase like a dog and then run like a cat. i wish for a sentence. i strive for the note. i empty myself to refill then emote. do you understand? do you simply ignore? have you lost your desire? have you closed a new door? have you talked to a stranger? have you traveled new heights?

may you bathe in your beauty and your lust for the air. may you nuture your space for the space we all share. as we sleep, may the void we imagine is there, vanish with doubts, inhibitions and fears. there is no greater loss than to never have known. in the music of words, it's all love, mine alone.

so no need to question if this is for you. the answer is yes. now what will you do?

haha June 06 2006

i need you. i need so much. i need to know. i need to get it out. i need to start all over again.

i need. i always need. smokes, drinks, reassurances.

i need to stop. needing.

today i need everything you have for one last moment and breath.

i need to pull together all the supplies we have saved and use them because

tomorrow is independence day and i am going to blow everything up.

if you need me you will know where to find me.

i will be splattered over the forrest and strewn about the seas.

i will be the angle of the sun and the dust of space debris.

i will be cells that have regenerated and come back in disguise.

i will be the thin red veins that branch out of your blood and tear stained eyes.

i will be the gentle slope of horizon that soothes your craving heart.

i will be the moment that i realize i should stop before i start.

so please don't mourn my passing. i do it every day.

i kill myself to sleep just to come back the next day...

i hope i will be able to find you because i'm sure i will need something...

"Dependence"

i need you. i need so much. i need to know. i need to get it out. i need to start all over again.

i need. i always need. smokes, drinks, reassurances.

i need to stop. needing.

today i need everything you have for one last moment and breath.

i need to pull together all the supplies we have saved and use them because

tomorrow is independence day and i am going to blow everything up.

if you need me you will know where to find me.

i will be splattered over the forrest and strewn about the seas.

i will be the angle of the sun and the dust of space debris.

i will be cells that have regenerated and come back in disguise.

i will be the thin red veins that branch out of your blood and tear stained eyes.

i will be the gentle slope of horizon that soothes your craving heart.

i will be the moment that i realize i should stop before i start.

so please don't mourn my passing. i do it every day.

i kill myself to sleep just to come back the next day...

i hope i will be able to find you because i'm sure i will need something...

haha. Monday, July 03, 2006

"Black Hole of Souls"

are black holes a collection of souls?

black holes are the strongest and most dense sources of energy known to the universe,

but they are still so mysterious.

anything that comes close to one is drawn in by it's unimaginable magnetic force.

the mass is so dense that nothing, not even light, (which is matter travelling at it's fastest rate) can escape it.

what is it? what are they?

e=mc2 might be the answer to where our souls go.

macdougall discovered that at the time of death, the body losses 3/4 of an ounce of weight.

is that 3/4 of an ounce, our souls?

humanity speaks of the "light inside us" as our souls.

our souls being matter travelling at it's fastest rate.

so lets just play with the idea that the soul weighs 3/4 of an ounce.

if we added together 3/4 of an ounce of matter lost by every living being since the beginning of time

what would that weight add up to?

it's safe to say, a big ass number that wouldn't fit on this page.

if we took that number and designated it as M, meaning the weight of mass of our collective souls,

and mutiplied it to c2 (speed of light squared), then... well you can imagine what that number would be like.

so if energy is equal to the mass of an object times the speed of light squared then imagine the energy

created by the collective weight of all souls past.

holy shit. and i mean holy. or holey. black holey.

so that has been running through my head since last night and i kind of like the idea

it could explain the unimaginable energy, gravity and magnatism that are black holes.

why would there be more than one black hole? well there are an awful lot of galaxies in the universe.

i know they say that black holes are imploding galaxies but we are all star dust anyway.

maybe it is the imploding spiritual galaxies.

just to think about the number of souls past, human and animal, (and maybe even plant). it is mind straining.

now imagine all of the life in the entire universe.

where would it all go?

lavoisier proved that matter can be broken apart and recombined but it never can lose matter.

it might be in the shape of a gas or minute dust, but the original weight of an object is never lost, just displaced.

so think about a human that dies and turns to dust.

if there is 3/4 of an ounce displaced, perhaps into light,(matter travelling at its fastest rate)

the only thing i can think of is that it is our souls.

so, if you take the sum of those souls and they travel at the speed of light squared

(448,900,000,000,000,000 miles per hour),

can you imagine the energy that would create.

i can't, but i bet it is massive, mysterious, unexplainable, and unimaginable.

maybe it would create something like a black hole.

so much light, that it is dark.

i love it.

i know nothing about anything but i love the idea of this

haha.